oh, hello!

I forgot I had a blog! Now that I can have some normalcy in my life, maybe I will pick up the habit again. Have a nice Saturday!

Dear Monona Bay,

things look clearer at dawn

from inside you

when your cold, murky water

shocks me to life.

a slimy defibrillator

makes me, for a moment,

see you for how you really are.

the novelty of a hazy summer morning,

juxtaposed against a chiseled, skyline, Greek Revival

makes me feel rotten from the inside out

a suitable friend to the decomposing globs

hanging from the safety ropes

floating

residents, quacking, reminding me-

how lucky you've got it.

sing me to sleep

sing me to sleep
i'm tired
and I want to go to bed.

sing me to sleep
and then leave me alone.
don't try to wake me in the morning
cause I'll be gone.
don't feel bad for me.
i want you to know
deep in the cell of my heart
i will feel so glad to go.

sing me to sleep.
i don't want to wake up
on my own anymore.

there is another world.
there is a better world.
well, there must be....

Bye bye.

something new

My latest obsession - orange cream soda. it is just so delicious. I bought a bottle on impulse at the Decorah co-op last week and I just can't stop thinking about the orange goodness. Tonight I picked up a sixer on my way home from teaching some Easter lessons. Chilling them in the fridge took much patience, but it was so worth it. Perfect beverage to accompany another new interest.

B is teaching me some ways of jazz. I can't stop listening to it. I want to practice Anthropology all day long and I am just going to practice bebop, diminished and blues scales all day long, wear a beret and get some bepop glasses. maybe not all that.

What does one wear at a show where he or she is playing a piece about snakes?

I had a pretty miserable Easter. I slept until 10:30 and spent the day alone. I finally ate something at 4:30 when I walked over to the coffee shop. I finally got myself into the shower and ate 3 cadbury creme eggs. [that was for you, grandma]

Which brings me to the final new thing: exercise for the sake of exercise. I kindof just like exercising as a side-effect of transportation or doing something fun like walking home 1.5 miles from a bar, biking in the countryside or to pick a few things up from the co-op. But this summer, I would like to do a couple of long rides, perhaps the Scenic Shore 150 (leukemia/lymphoma) or the ACT9 Aids ride. I will probably do the 65 mile Tour de Cure (diabetes). I am going to need the American Diabetes Association to help me out if I keep drinking these cream sodas.


"they flat their fifths, but we drink ours."

new experiences(?)

Lately I have been thinking a lot and have been trying to be a better person. I want to listen more to people, look strangers in the eye, take time. I guess the biggest is that I want to take the time to accomplish nothing. Accomplishing nothing means that I just sit and look out the window without thinking about what I have to do. It means that I listen to every word that B says and understand how she feels. It means that I forget about myself and all my plans.

I feel like I am cultivating myself for this career in music, thinking about it all the time. Well this or that looks great on my resume. I came to the realization sitting in a bar that I could potentially not have a career in music someday. That there are bigger things than my life and such and such, blah blah blah.

Maybe what I am trying to say is... I shouldn't drink.

!

shit! I forgot I had a blog!

Earlier today I realized that I have too many books.
Books authored by moi
in pencil, blue, black, occasional Sharpie with differing styles of penmanship:
The angsty teenager, the newlywed
(who remains an angsty teenager),
suicidal undergraduate,
the twenty-two year old who never truly celebrated turning twenty-one,
explorer of the world's religions, quoting the Good Word
or The Hymn of the Week.
Then there is the quarter-of-a-centurion
questioning, doubting and fucking up royally.
All of these are regular contributors to the books:
one is the book of favorite poems with randomly interspersed calorie inventories,
two is a sampling of original writings from said author,
three is a book of lists
four is lists but with the added bonus of sporadic statements about life
and fearsdreamsfantasies
beer labels attached from summer vacations
tickets and other artifacts
that don't seem so significant otherwise.
But there they are, in a book.
Walking down the street today I realized
that my life is scattered about in too many books.

there's that snow again

Woke up this morning to MORE snow. In a previous post I lauded snow as a quiet, meditative blanket dampening the world with peace.

Now I am sick of the @#$^.

I had a great week though, thanks to the snow. I got two days off from teaching and I didn't use it to practice. I spent Wednesday shoveling the white stuff with a friend and then we rewarded ourselves with some good Wisconsin food and beer at the Old Fashioned. I am a huge fan of their $2.50/9 pitcher of their beer of the month. This month it is the Goat Shagger Scotch Ale. The name concerns me, but the beer was great.

Thursday I got to do some cleaning and planning. Planning takes up a large portion of each day. Once I get all my lessons rolling along, there won't be much time to think. At the moment, I am taking time to think. I tend to get into a routine of doing things and I don't sit and breathe; I feel guilty if I am not constantly doing something. I am trying to break that habit. For once in my life, I feel like I am making some progress toward understanding my life plan. It really helps.

SG is sleeping next to me on the couch and B is still upstairs sleeping. I am just going to sit and recover from a symphony weekend and a rather boisterous performance of the Symphonic Dances from West Side Story. I love playing the piece when it isn't a train barreling out of control. But I guess the best part of going to La Crosse is my car pool buddies.

That and the world's largest six pack of beer.

reading in the snow

Now i lay(with everywhere around)
me(the great dim deep sound
of rain;and of always and of nowhere)and
what a gently welcoming darkestness--

now i lay me down(in a most steep
more than music)feeling that sunlight is
(life and day are)only loaned:whereas
night is given(night and death and the rain

are given;and given is how beautifully snow)

now i lay me down to dream of(nothing
i or any somebody or you
can begin to begin to imagine)

something which nobody may keep.
now i lay me down to dream of Spring

a good day

woke up early but slept late
sweet almond in my mouth
from the bear claw that i ate.

deep snow-divots
carved by geared, metal steeds
warm hands, toes, and fingers
homesick clowns, mournful sounds
of an over-sized viola still lingers.
i need... i need...

nothing.

but your socks don't have matches anymore.