you will always be home, sweet home, to me...

I am excited about my trip to Tennessee in a little over 2 weeks! I have missed this view. I have missed my family and friends. This is what I will see, hopefully, when I wake up while I am visiting. Sometimes I really think about what it would be like to move back. What would take me there? A job? That is highly unlikely. It may be the dark colors of the mountains that do it. Or maybe the lack of an income tax. It definitely won't be for the horrible state that the public education system is in. Unless they hire me.

If I move home, I plan on having me some Tennessee Walking horses again, maybe a garden (a garden for me will probably consist of an herb garden in my window), getting myself on the hiking trail, frying biscuits and eggs with my family early on a fall day in a state park, enjoying a pint with Ben, showing the sights to someone special.

It is almost as if I want another chance in that place. When I got older, I used to fondly remember the good ole days of my high school years and how I will never have them back. I realize now that those were the days I felt more comfortable, when I wasn't so afraid to live my life; I had friends who were the same way. However, I have all of those same things now...MORE than I ever did.

That being said, I want to go back and see it through different eyes (mine), unaltered by any kind of glasses or shades or goggles or whatever. I can think of all of the good times and enjoy them rather than grasp for them.

I am on the right track. Instead of wishing for the good days, I finally have them.

Being thankful

It is hard as hell! I have this problem: I am always looking for ways to make my life better instead of taking a moment in the present to appreciate how great things are. So this morning, cozy in bed, I am listening to the cars driving by in the rain...people driving to gatherings or, most likely, to a grocery store because they charred the turkey. Last night it snode. Not a lot, but it was just there and its presence made it feel colder. This morning it is brisker than it has been. I guess it had to happen sometime.

Here I am contemplating all of this, how things have been turning out after my whirlwind of a year. I want to take this moment to contemplate all that I have gained or maintained despite what I have lost. What I am thankful for:

• I did not cut off my whole finger a few weeks ago. That would have been highly detrimental to my career.
• I have a place to live that I can afford and I have great housemates.
• I am actually doing what I want to do - I have 17 students and regardless of their wide spectrum of work ethics, I love them all.
• I am able to make music on a daily basis, mostly with people that I enjoy making music with. I am lucky to be in the collegiate environment, where I have many opportunities to play.
• My family of course; they still love me.
• My friends; they still love me.
• My health. I know I have to treat myself better. I want to. I am just lazy.
• You.

Speaking of....time to get back to the cozy laze that I want to succumb to today before I get to make a sweet potato casserole and a corn casserole. Photos forthcoming.

Improvising

I have never been very good at improvising music. Recently I had the option of "ad libbing" a latin solo or something or other and it ended up sounding like something straight off of the Lawrence Welk Show. So square that it was almost racist or something.

Anyway, as I was sitting here, I just made up words to the famous tune "O Holy Night". Historically, I have been very successful at improvising this way. My song went a little something like this:

long lay your turd, in the toilet spinning

it just wont break as it is densely packed.

don't sit too long or you will get hemorroids

and then you'll bleed on your new underpants.

I don't profess to these being great words or anything. Obviously it isn't very creative. BUT, this was made up ON THE FLY.

I don't like to brag about such things. But it is what it is.